Sorry

[alison]

I am just writing this to say sorry that I haven't been really paying much attention to the forum over the past few weeks. My mother died suddenly on the 12 November. She had been in hospital for a knee replacement and just a week later she died from a blood clot. There was no warning and she was doing so well getting to grips with the crutches etc and finally getting upstairs to the toilet unaided. She was bright and bubbly as normal when I spoke to her at 4.30pm but by 8pm she was gone. It was such a shock.
The coroner felt that there had been neglect by the hospital as she should have been in for 4-5 days whereas she had the operation on wednesday afternoon and was back at home saturday morning. They didn't send her home with any blood thinning tablets or elastic stockings and didn't tell her to be as mobile as possible. The hospital have said that had she been in their care still she would have been made to be up and about but as she had come home then it was her own responsibility to be mobile. My mum was 82 years old and recovering from surgery, I am sure that she was as active as she thought she should be, but I am sure that she would have thought she would need to keep her leg up and rest it to heal quickly. They said they didn't give her blood thinning tabs because she had high blood pressure.
The only thing that is good about her death is that it was relatively quick. She just said to my dad that she felt faint and then she collapsed. He ran next door to get a neighbour to help her up and she sat on the chair saying "oh and I was doing so well". They got the ambulance and worked on her all the way to the hospital but it was no good. The most cruel thing was that they took my dad into the room they were working on her and told him that he would have to tell them to stop working on her so they could call her death. How cruel is that to ask him to tell them to stop working on his wife. It doesn't happen that way in the TV programme Casualty. They always call the death and then go tell the relatives.
She also wasn't treated very well in the hospital when she had the operation. She was diabetic and she had asked for a drink of horlicks which she always had before going to bed. They said she couldn't have it as she was diabetic. She just told them not to put any sugar in then. Another time she had been sent some grapes and they saw her eating them and again told her she shouldn't be having them. When she said she could have them she heard one of the nurses say to the other as they walked away "well if she wants to kill herself let her kill herself." The accepted information nowadays that is sent out and I know because I have been on the diabetic course, is that you can have anything now as long as it is within a healthy food plan. Before she went in her diabetes was very well under control. She took her insulin and had ber bloods normally around 4-6. The GP sent a letter with her to say that mum was very capable of doing her own insulin but the hospital wouldn't let her and wouldn't give her enough insulin. When I took her bloods at home they were still right up at 26. she had never had it anywhere near those numbers. No wonder her body didn't like it.
It seems to have been a catalogue of errors from the start, but I am of the mind that no one goes before their time and I guess it was my mums time to go and she didn't linger. A friend told me that they had spoken of death quite recently and mum had said that when she went she wanted it to be just her and dad at home and for her to say to him "O Peter I don't feel so good" and then just go. I think she got what she wanted.
Her funeral was beautiful. It was a celebration of her life. She even sang at it herself and you don't see that often. She was a trained singer many years ago and a few years ago she made a tape with herself (she sang soprano) and my sister Beverley who is an alto singing three lovely songs, so partway through the funeral we played the tape of them singing Count your Blessings. It was really lovely. She had already planned who she wanted to speak at her funeral and they talked with such affection for her and the hymns she wanted played so it was quite easy to do. It was a lovely tribute to a lovely lady.

[retropwr]

Alison,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts are with you and you family



You certainly don't need to apologise for not being on here.

[kaz]

Alison... what terrible news... I'm sorry to hear about your Mum. As a nurse, I'm also disappointed to hear about the dreadful standard of care at the hospital. From memory, in the first 24 hours of a patient being admitted, every attempt is made to resuscitate, regardless of age (e.g a person of 100 will still receive CPR). However, unless a patient is reliant on life support machinery, in my experience the doctors make the decision to terminate CPR. Will you be making a formal complaint?

Thinking of you and your family.

xx

[alison]

When the coroner said that he felt it was neglect it was a bit of a shock and they said that if the post mortem showed neglect then an inquest would take place. As it is we decided against an inquest as the coroner spoke to my sister explaining that the hospital would stick to the fact that because she was not in hospital it wasn't their responsibility to make sure she was mobile. It turned out that there was some heart disease not diagnosed so I suppose she could have gone at any time. She couldn't have managed without the surgery for her knee so unfortunately the surgery to prolong her life became part of the cause of it to end. We have decided to just accept it was her time to go. But at the same time I think they should be aware how badly we feel the hospital looked after mum so one of my sisters will probably write a letter of complaint.

[AJC]

Sorry to hear your news alison.

[Tricia]

Alison, what sad news. I feel for you and your family. I think the lack of hospital care these days is shocking. Like your mother, I was sent home three days after the operation - even though they knew I lived alone. The same thing happened again in June when I went in for a manipulation to try to bend the knee, but to send an 82 year old lady home so soon I find appalling.

I'm feeling very sad too. My friend and neighbour, Jane, died on 23rd November after failing rapidly over the past few weeks. She was a very special lady, loved by all who knew her. Her funeral was yesterday - and it, too, was a celebration of her life, with very moving eulogies by family and friends. Jane had a very rare disease, but had been in remission for almost 6 years, so it wasn't at first realised that it was the scleroderma which was causing her ill health. She was so supportive after my knee replacement op. in February and we became very close this past year - although we had been friends for almost ten years.

Just a few weeks ago, she was still able to walk a little and came along for coffee one afternoon. We were neither of us feeling very cheerful - me because of my painful failed knee operation and Jane because she felt so ill all the time. We talked about death that afternoon and she said that if they couldn't find out what was wrong with her then she just wanted to go. She hated the idea of feeling ill for the rest of her life, so although I miss her, I feel glad that she didn't have to put up with a long drawn out suffering.

As you say about your mother, Alison, it was better to go quickly, though the shock for those left behind is awful to bear. My deepest sympathies.

Love

[alison]

Thankyou Tricia and everyone who has written here. Thankyou Kazzie for my christmas card. If I could remember your address I would send one back. I am sure I have it somewhere.
Well I can't believe my mum has been dead a month now. Time really goes so quickly. Yesterday I had really wanted to tell her something which she would have laughed at and yet the situation had only arisen because she died which was so funny, but I had to ring my sister instead and tell her about it. She was also saying that she had wanted to ring mum as she was so ill and normally she would ring mum when she felt so down. Those are the moments when we will miss her the most. She loved strictly come dancing and dancing on Ice and when I watch Strictly I always think of her, and she would have loved watching the Susan Boyle programme last night on the TV.
The Kaffir lilys are still flowering and they have been a great boost to be able to look out into my dull wet garden and see such colour when I have felt down. They have brightened my day. Maybe that is why they only flowered this year for the first time.
My sisters are taking the beautiful little cardigans and a donation from the funeral of £300 to the special care transitional baby unit in the Leeds general imfirmary (LGI) next sunday with a photo of mum which they have said they are going to display on the wall forever. They called her Auntie Jessie and sent her little thankyou cards over the years for the many hundreds of cardigans for the tiny babies she has knitted. I think then that we have done all that she wanted finishing and can start to heal. I am looking forward to christmas as I have such wonderful children and grandchildren and we will have a wonderful time. Christmas is a very special time to me every year but once you have children it becomes magical. and even more so when you have grandchildren.

[dampflippers]

I'm really sorry to hear about your Mum. How sad.
Can I suggest you keep one knitted outfit as a memory of what she did. Keep a pair of her knitting needles as well.

[alison]

I had to use her kneedles to finish off one of the cardigans and had 4 of them to put buttons on but they are all done now. We all wanted to keep one of the cardigans but as there are 5 girls and 2 boys ( I should say women and men as we age from 60 years young down to around 40 years) so we decided against it as it was more important to give them to the babies as they were the last they will get from her but it was very tempting as they were beautiful. I had thought about continuing with them myself but she did it all from memory and had no pattern and I can't do that. We all kept some of her jewellery and purfume which reminds us of her.